Fairytales are only for perfect girls
by XoptimisticxpessimistX
Summary: Sarah Meyers dosen't believe in anything around her. She dosen't believe in 'magic' or 'fairytales'Sarah only believes 'I think, therefore I am.' What happens when she gets thrown into Narnia to help the Pevensies and Prince Caspian?PeterxOC in later chas
1. Prologue

**Hello lovelys! I know I said that I was going to work on Another Chance, but this little baby just popped right into my head. Hopefully all of you will love it! The song lyrics are from the song 'Fairytale' by Sara Bareilles. Well read and enjoy, hopefully Sarah won't be as Mary Sue-ish as Kylie. I am also sorry for the shortness and I'm sorry that I can't write in Third person, I'm just really bad at it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't wound Narnia, If I did I wouldn't have to post a fan fic.**

* * *

_'I don't care for your fairytales_

_You're so worried 'bout the maiden though_

_You know she's only waiting._

_Spent her whole life being graded on the sanctity of patience_

_And a dumb appreciation_

_But the story needs some mending_

_And a better happy ending_

_'Cause I don't want the next best thing_

_No, no I don't want the next best thing'_

I sigh, looking out the window of my classroom, my teacher's voice drowning out the whispers near me. I roll my eyes, looking to my right. The girl sitting there gives me a weird look before talking to her friend again. Normal, I don't know why it is but that is how it is. I don't feel like I belong here, I don't feel like anything around me is really there. Kind of like what I heard in history class. 'I think, therefore I am', I know I'm here, I know that I'm actually experiencing everything around me, I just don't know if those experiences are real or if the people are really there.

"Sarah Meyers," my teacher says. He's a thirty-something year old man with graying hair and a chubby body. "Can you tell me the answer to this question?" he asks, pointing to the SMART board behind him.

"December seventh, nineteen forty-one, that's when they bombed Pearl Harbor," I reply with a sigh.

He nods. "That's correct, just attempt to pay more attention next time," he says.

I roll my eyes once more, whispering under my breath, "Not likely"

Soon the bell rings to go home, I take out my iPod and walk out the door. I smile, hearing the guitars flare and the drums pounding in my ears; god, how I love this song. The song, called 'The God That Failed', is amazing. I don't know why I like it so much, probably because I have nothing, no entity, to believe in. I just don't believe because I have no proof, no proof to follow. I swiftly put my books in my locker and slam it shut. I flip the hood of my Avenged Sevenfold hoodie, my long bangs getting in my face as I do. My hair is black with one purple stripe through the left side of my bangs. That is another reason why I don't feel like I belong... my hair grows naturally that way, I don't know why, it just does.

I walk out into the student parking lot, unlocking my beat up truck. I throw my messenger bag into the passenger seat, cranking up the car. I pull out, trudging away from the school. My vivid green eyes glance around the streets of Los Angeles, crowded, full of people that have something better to do. I turn left, opening the windows because my truck has no air conditioning. A tunnel is coming up; I shift gears and bite my lip. I enter the tunnel, looking at the car next to me. The second I do it starts to disappear. I blink my mouth slightly open. I look forward, seeing a bright light. The second that I supposedly exit the tunnel I faint, only to be reawakened to the biggest shock of my life... something like a fairytale┘ but I thought that fairy tales were only for perfect girls.

So, you all like of what? Review to tell me what you think.


	2. Telling Ideals

****

Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia…but I wish!

* * *

Birds chirping, people talking, and my head hurting is what I wake up to.

"I wonder who she is." I hear a little girl say.

"I know Lu, we'll just have to ask her when she wakes up." I hear an older voice, male, say.

I slowly open my eyes, bright light blinding me. "Where am I?" I ask, wondering why. Why do I ask where I am if I don't believe in it anyway?

"Oh," I hear an older girl's voice, "Are you ok"

My pupils finally allow me to see my surrounded. I see four people around a small fire. The one closest to me was a boy, around fourteen or so, leaning against a tree. He was somewhat tall, taller than I am at least. He had dark brown hair and matching eyes. He's wearing a dark blue shirt and some pants and boots, somewhat medieval look to them. To my left is the older girl that spoke. She was sitting on a root of the tree behind her. She also has the same brown hair and eyes, a worried look in them. She had fair skin and was exceptally pretty. She was wearing a dress, long sleeved and it was a purple color. At her left was a small girl, possibly twelve. She has a lighter brown hair color than the previous two. Only she has blue eyes, filled with joy and excitement. The girl was wearing a nice red dress. She is standing next to another male, him being to her left. His was tall, he looks about my age, may be a year older. He had light blond hair and blue eyes, eyes that showed curiosity.

I nod, "I'm fine, but where am I"

"You're in Narnia." I hear a voice from beyond my vision. Suddenly, I see a small man step out from the forest. My eyes widen and my jaw slackens. He's wearing the same at the others; he has a beard and is about half my size.

"Yes," he says, looking into my eyes. "I'm a dwarf"

I blink, "There's no way this is happening" I whisper to myself.

The young girl smiles at me, "Don't mind Trumpkin, I'm Lucy Pevenise." She walks forward, holding her hand out to me.

I take her small hand, shaking it with my own. "Sarah Meyers"

"Oh," she says, "And these are my brothers and sisters"

The boy with the dark brown hair waves, "Edmund"

I nod.

"I'm Susan Pevensie," She older girl says, smiling at me.

The older male walked forward, "I'm Peter, nice to meet you Sarah." He also holds out his hand.

I shake his hand, "Nice to meet you to. How did I get to...Narnia"

"We just found you laying there," Edmund says.

"That," Trumpkin says, "Is what we are hopeing you can answer"

I push my hair out my face, "I was just driving home from school and then I wake up here"

"Driving?" I hear Peter say.  
I nod, "You can drive in Los Angeles so long as you have a license"

"Whoa," Edmund says, "Los Angeles? As in the United States"

I nod, "Yes"

"So you're not from London?" Lucy asks.

I shake my head, "No, I wasn't. Though I was born in France in nineteen ninety-two"

"But it's was only nineteen forty!" Susan says.

I shake my head, "No, it's two thousand and nine where I live"

"No wonder why your dressed differently." Edmund says.

I look at my clothes; Jeans, studded belt, purple tank top and my Avenged Sevenfold hoodie. "This is normal"

Lucy points to my hair, "How did you do that"

I look at the few small strands of purple that I can see, "It grows that way"

"What was shining in your mouth?" Susan asks.

I stick out my tongue, "It's pierced, another normal thing from my...time"

"I think we should stop with all the questions," Peter says.

I nod, "Please, I feel like I'm being interrogated for murder"

A chorus of laughter fills the air, a slight smile on my face.

"I'm sure this isn't real though," I say, "How can I be sure?"

"How can you not be sure?" Edmund says, challenging me.

"Exactly," I say.

"What?" Susan asks.

I smile, "I really only believe in the fact that I am here"

"That's obsured!" She replied.

"Is it?" I ask. "Is it so obsured? I don't know if you're really there, I know if I'm really here, I don't even know where here is. How can you expect me to believe that I am here? Here could be anywhere if it is real at all"

Edmund's eyes widen, "Wow, that was interesting"

"How do you think of that?" Lucy asks.

I shrug, "I'm a loner, I never really fit in so I had a lot of time to think"

"Loner?" Trumpkin asks, cooking some fish over a fire.

I nod, "No one really understood me, no one ever will I guess. I had a lot of time to think of some really obscure things. When I was little I always wondered why everyone just would stop bugging me and leave me alone...I guess they did. I also always wondered why people treated others the way they did. My Uncle, the person who was my guardian, locked me in my room all the time whenever I told people my ideas. He said they weren't normal, so he gave me my own solitary confidment"

"But," Susan says, "That just gave you more time to think"

I nod, "It felt as if I was pushing all the boundaries, sanity, decency and safety, to their breaking points. In the end I thought that the people who surrounded me are merely shadows and nothing more. So I guess I'm here because my old reality was too much to handle. I guess it's so I move forward along my path, but there always seems to be a forest of wickedness blocking it. At my old reality I could feel their fangs ripping at the person I am, trying to make me like them. That world, if it was one, is full of lies and had no purpose to me. With all the darkness in is, how can any thing of any one expect me to find my way? The people there are stupid, they lived to work and that all. It was death in slow motion. I don't want that, I want to feel...free"

I look around at them, they all seem to be thinking about all I said. "Sorry, I just...wasn't thinking when I started to ramble." I told them all my deep thoughts, why? Why would I tell some shadows from a different false world my deepest thoughts?

"Its fine," I hear Edmund say, "It's nice to hear some other views. It makes me think about things differently"

"Isn't that true" Susan says.

Lucy smiles, "Well, I don't know about all of you but I'm starving"

Peter smiles, "Yeah, all this thinking just wears you out"

I smile, standing up. I stretch, smelling the aroma of the fish.

"Come on Sarah," Lucy says, "sit next to me"

I nod, smiling. I sit next to her, after all these are the nicest shadows I have ever met.


	3. Finding Meaning

**Thanks to all who read, I enjoy your comments and next time you review, can I get some feed back on if you all think is Sarash is Mary Sue-sih or not? It would really help me! Thanks again!**

**Disclamier: If I owned the book series do you honestly think I would be writting this?**

* * *

We're looking around, I glance at my 'surrounding'. A forest as beautiful as anymorecould ever imagine. I look forward, seeing everyone walk ahead of me.

"I don't remember this place," Someone says.

"That's the problem with girls," Peter says, "Can't keep a map in your heads."

I roll my eyes, typical male ideals right there.

Lucy smirks, "That's because we have something in them."

I smile, "Right on!"

She turns, smiling at me.

"We'll unless I'm mistaken," Trumpkin says, "There's no crossing in these parts."

Peter turns, "Well that explains it, you're mistaken."

"Whoa," I say, "Harsh much?"

He gives me a look, not really a cold one but an indifferent one.

"I think we should listen to our D.L.F" Susan says.

Trumpkin sighs, "That's not patronizing at all, is it. Can you please not call me that?"

"What?" Lucy asks innocently.

"Well," His eyes glance to me, "Sarah isn't that tall either!"

Well damn, this sucks. I hate it when shadows make fun of me for how short I am. It's like telling someone else they are not intelligent...well that's how I see it.

"Wow, Sarah isn't that tall is she?" Susan says, walking over to me.

I frown, "As if I haven't heard this enough in my live from other shadows, I really don't need it again!"

Susan stands about a head taller than me...great.

"Shes only a couple of inches taller than Lucy." Peter states, looking back at us.

A hand grabs my arm, pulling me forward. For some little shadow, she sure is strong! She stops, moving me so I'm standing next to Peter.

"Wow," she says, joy lightening her eyes. "Pete, you tower over Sarah."

I pout, "Not funny."

He smiles, "I am taller than you."

"Well yeah, guys are normally taller Phantasm" I exclaim.

"What?" He asks.

I shrug, "It's a nickname, and it basically also means delusion of fictional."

"Do we have one?" Edmund asks, motioning to everyone else.

I nod, "Your Invented, Susan is Fictitious, Lucy is Shadow and Trumpkin is Myth."

"Oh the irony," The dwarf says.

Lucy nods, "Do you have one like that?"

"Of course not silly," I reply, "I know I'm here, remember?"

"Oh yeah," She says.

"Well them well have to think of one," Peter says.

I nod, "Good luck with that, no if you please Phantasm would you please continue rambling in the wrong direction so we can move on?"

He rolls his eyes, "Sure thing...Dream."

Lucy smiles, "That a great one, Sarah can be Dream!"

"Oh what have I started?" I rhetorically ask, sighing.  
~~~~~~~~

"Over time, water erodes the earth's soil, carving deeper-"Susan started to explain.

Peter cuts her off, "Oh shut up!"

"That's not very nice." I mutter under my breath, Edmund hears and holds back a laugh.

He regains his composure, "Is there another way down?"

"Yeah," Trumpkin explains, "Falling."

I smile, not like it matters. Falling in a fictional world to a false death, sounds exhilerating actually. Feeling the imaginational wind soar past my body, sending chills up my spine.

"It's Aslan, its Aslan over there!" I hear Lucy yell.

My eyes glance over to the side of the gorge she was pointing to. For a second, I felt as if I saw a... lion. I blink, seeing nothing. My eyes must be playing tricks on me, but that's impossible.

Trumpkin shakes his head, "Do you see him now?"

Lucy shakes her head, "He was there! He wanted us to follow him!"

"Look," Trumpkin says, "I'm not about to jump off a cliff for someone who dosen't exist!"

It gets quiet; everyone is looking from one to the other.

"Last time I didn't believe Lucy," Edmund says, looking at his younger sister, "I ended up looking pretty stupid."

Peter shakes his head, "Why wouldn't I have seen him?"

"Maybe," She says, "You weren't looking."

"I'm sorry Lu," Peter says, He, Susan and Trumpkin turns around and continues to someplace I can't remember...something about a river.

Edmund puts an arm around Lucy and she looks at me. "You believe me, right Sarah."

I shrug, sad to see the pained look on her expression. "I wish I could Lucy" I say, sadly.

Turning, I let my feet carry me to the others. Was that lion there? No, Sarah, don't. You know this isn't real...you know that there's nothing around you right now that is real and neither is that lion.  
~~~~~~~~~

I lay on the grass, thinking back about the day. Peter was wrong and we ended up turning back to the place where the imaginary lion showed up. Yawning, I lay on my side. I close my eyes and try to remain calm.

I open my eyes, seeing myself in different woods. A brighter and happier surrounding then the one before, of so it seems. Getting up I start to walk into the new fake woods. My hair is loose from the bun, flying into the wind. As I continue my journey, I see the rock there Lucy said she saw the lion.

"You saw me too, young one."

I jump, turning around. My jaw hands loose and my eyes widen there's no way this could be happening. How, this goes against everything I believe in! The large cat had the most amazing golden fur, reminding me slightly of someone else's hair.

"Now, I'm sure it's not everything." The lion speaks to me as he walks towards me.

Calming myself, I reply. "How? What is happening?"

"You remember how you always felt that you never belonged in your other world?" He asks.

I nod, "Of course."

"That," He looks into my eyes, "Is because you're not from there. You are from here, a descendent of an age old family."

I bite my lip, "I don't understand!"

He smiles, "Little one, you have extraordinary power. You have to begin to believe in something before it is realized. You have to trust something with all your heart even if your mind is telling you otherwise."

"Why? Why should I listen to you? How do I know if what you say is true?" I question.

"Because, little one, you will one day understand." He says.  
~~~~~~~

I open my eyes, seeing Lucy stand up.

"Oh, Sarah I didn't mean to wake you." she says.

I nod, still shocked about the dream I had.

"Will you come with me?" she asks, her eyes begging.

I nod, "Sure."

Hopefully this will take my mind off my weird dream...


	4. Discoveries

**Ok everyone, here is the fourth part. I'm sorry that it is taking so long! Also, I would like to ask that maybe you all could give me some feedback on Sarah? I have no idea if she is like a Mary Sue or not. I thank you all in advanced! And thanks to all who have reviewed, I really appreciate it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia, nor do I want to. C.S Lewis is amazing and I would never wish to steal his work.**

* * *

"Wake up," Lucy says, placing her hand on a thin tree.

As I'm walking with Lucy, I search my pockets. I pull out my cell phone, laughing.

Lucy turns, looking at me. "What is that?" she asks, looking at me.

I show her the device in my hand, "It's a cell phone… like a portable regular phone."

Her faces shows delight and curiosity, "How does it work?"

"Well, first you have to know someone else's number. Then you dial it in using these key things," I push up the top part, reviling the keypad. "Once you type in their number, you hit the send button and talk."

"That's amazing!" She says, looking at it.

"I wonder…" I say, holding the power button. It plays a tune, scaring Lucy. "I'm sorry Shadow. I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's ok, what happened?" She asks, looking at the screen.

"It's on," I say, looking at the screen. I laugh, "I even have signal here!"

"Signal, what's that?" Lucy asks

"It's… kind of hard to explain. And I just lost it, great!" I say, pouting at the fake phone.

"Does it make any other sounds?" Lucy asks, walking beside me.

I nod, "I can download full songs."

"Download," She says, a weird look on her face.

Laughing, I go to my list of songs. "Here's one called 'Time of Dying', it's a rock song."

"It's made by rocks?" She asks, "The future is a weird strange place."

I smile, pressing play.

_'On the ground I lay,_

_Motionless in pain._

_I can see my life,_

_Flashing before my eyes._

_Did I fall asleep?_

_Is this all a dream?_

_Wake me up,_

_I'm living a nightmare._

_I will not die. (I will not die.)_

_I will survive._

_I will not die, I'll wait here for you._

_I feel alive, when you're beside me._

_I will not die, I'll wait here for you,_

_In my time of dying.'_

I stop the song, listening intently to my surroundings. I hear footsteps coming from further up.

"That was…interesting." Lucy says, looking at me.

I put a finger to my lips, "Something's further up."

She looks confused and nods, crouching down.

I crouch, looking over the small hill in front of me. As I slip my cell phone into my pocket something moves beside me, I assume its Lucy. I look at the creature in front of me, a Minotaur?

A hand covers my mouth as I attempt to fight back. I get pulled back, turning I see its Peter.

He moves his hand, putting a finger to his lips. He draws his sword while walking forward. He slowly walks towards the Minotaur, and then someone jumps in front of him. His sword clashes with Peter's. I gasp, clutching some of the grass. Peter hits his attacker in the face, splitting his lip. He slashes his sword towards him. The mysterious attacker ducks, Peter's sword ends up lodged in the tree trunk. The guy kicks Peter away before pulling out his sword. Peter picks up a rock.

Fear bubbles up in me, I run out from behind the mound. "Stop" I scream, a tingling sensation covering my hands. A purple shield comes in between the two of them, stopping their attacks.

"Sarah!" Lucy yells, running up behind me. The purple shield fades from in between them, my hands glow a little more before fading also. The fear disappeared when the shield did, making me sigh at the sudden change in emotion.

Shocked, I stumble backwards.

"Peter!" Susan yells, coming from the camp site.

He quickly runs over to me, catching me. "What was that?" He asks, looking at me.

"I…I don't know!" I say.

"There's a purple X over your eye!" Edmund says.

I glance over to the mysterious man. I stand up, "I'm fine Peter, don't worry."

He nods, "If you say so."

The mystery man glances at the sword in his hand before glancing at Peter, "High King Peter?"

"Prince Caspian" Peter asks, looking at him.

Susan walks over to me, a hand holding firmly onto my upper arm.

"He was right" I whisper to myself. I think back, to the dream I had. As I mentally examine the dream, I hear bits and pieces of their conversation.

"You are not what I expected" Caspian says.

Edmund makes a weird look, "Neither are you."

"Are you fine, really?" Lucy asks, looking at me with a worried look.

"I… I hope so." I say, trying to regulate my breathing.

"Good," I hear Peter say when I finally start to pay attention again. "Because we're going to need all the swords we can get."

I blink, seeing a mouse and more soldiers around. Centaurs, more dwarfs, talking animals… how is this all happening? What if Aslan is right? What if this is all real after all? What if I have been lying to myself the whole time?

"Come on Sarah!" Lucy says.

I snap back to reality, no that's ridiculous! How could such traitorous thoughts enter my mind? Walking swiftly, I catch up to Lucy.

"Sarah, you should have seen your right eye when you're hands was glowing!" She says. "There was an X that was purple going from the bottom of your forehead and it crossed right in the middle of your pupil."

"Fascinating," I say, thinking back. All I felt was a since of…Fear? Fear because I thought Peter was going to get hurt. Why would a power activate then? I sigh, looking down at Lucy. "Shadow, things have just gotten a lot more confusing."

She frowns, "I'm sorry."

I raise an eyebrow, "For what?"

"You were thrown here without any warning, you had no clue that you were coming nor do you know why." She explains, looking up at me.

I smile at her, glad that she tries to comfort me. "Thanks, you have no idea what that means."

She smiles at me, "Sarah, just… let go. Try to believe in something, believe in Aslan and everything would be less confusing."

For the rest of the walk, I silently thing about her words and compare them with the dream. Is that why I'm here, to learn how to believe?


	5. Confusion

**Ok everyone, here is part four. The song Lyrics used later on are in a song called 'King Nothing' by Metallica. Everytime I heard this song I thought of Miraz, every single time. The lyric in this introduction describes Sara's feelings and thoughts.**

**Disclaimer: Narnia is an amazing creation thought of by an amazing writer that goes by the name of C.S Lewis.**

**'_Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies_**

_**So I don't know what's real and what's not**_

_**Always confusing the thoughts in my head**_

_**So I can't trust myself anymore'**_

_**-'Going Under' by Evanescence**_

* * *

None of this is real, it can't be. Why do I keep tricking myself, for a moment I'll question everything I have ever thought of! Nothing makes since anymore; my thoughts, my actions… anything that I once thought to be truth. So this is what a dream did to me? Am I so weak that I'm easily swayed? 'For who so strong that cannot be seduced?' fits right here. For a moment, I was seduced. Seduced into believing in something that isn't real! I don't understand anything anymore!

I sigh, walking silently. Maybe I should just believe? No Sarah, that's what they want you to do. What should I do? I'm being challenged, and I have no answer, no retaliation, not a thing. I'm being betrayed by my own thoughts here… Can I still trust myself?

"Sarah?"

Glancing up, seeing Peter looking at me. "Yes" I ask, relieved to be distracted.

"Are you ok?" He asks, walking at a steady pace next to me.

"No," I reply, looking up at him. A worried expression, one that for some reason I feel is genuine. "I'm confused, being confused is a situation that I do not like being in."

His blue eyes look into mine before he looks towards the forest. "Why are you confused" He asks while brushing his hair out of his eyes.

I smile lightly, "If I knew that Phantasm I wouldn't be confused, would I?"

He smiles at me, "I guess not."

We walk side by side in silence, nor him or I speaking. I glance over at him, seeing him look up to the sky. Biting my lip, I might as well take the plunge and tell him. Crossing my arms, I take a deep breath. "I have no idea what to believe anymore… I just, I'm scared."

"Everyone is scared of things they don't understand Dream," He replies, looking over at me once more. "You have to overcome the fear to learn the truth" His hand rest on my shoulder, "It takes fear to learn and grow, just don't give up in trying."

My eyes follow him as he speeds up to talk to Caspian. Is Peter right, is it that simplistic? How could something as difficult as fear be overcome? A smile graces my face; he must have known that I was scared of my confusion all along. His words forge more bemused thoughts as I continue walking in silence.

"Why couldn't there be a perfunctory way to get to where we're going" I mutter to myself while rubbing my feet.

"We're almost there actually" Caspian says, "Just a little further."

I look up at him, "You have said that for the last ten minutes, your highness. Do you think I'm going to believe it this time?"

"Technically," Susan says, "He is right, we are closer."

I send her a smile, "Touché Fictitious, that is true."

She smiles at me, "It was nothing Dream."

Caspian looks from me to Susan, confusion etched on his face.

"She gave us nicknames," Edmund explains, "I'm Invented, Susan is Fictitious, Peter is Phantasm, Lucy is Shadow and Trumpkin is Myth."

"And Sarah is Dream" Lucy says, smiling at me.

I point to the young prince, "You can be Illusion. There everyone has a nickname. Can we go so we can get there and I can sleep?"

Peter laughs, "Lazy, are we?"

I shake my head, "No… just me. But seriously, I'm really tired, hungry and I'm in need of a bath."

Caspian smiles, "Sure thing, it's-"

"Just a little further, yeah I got that part" I say, moving my hand in a circle motion to simulate 'hurry'.

"Don't mind her, she's very…" Susan says to Caspian, attempting to think of the word.

"Unscrupulous" Peter asks, trying to help his sister.

Susan nods, "That's a perfect word to describe her!"

I sigh, "Talk about me like I'm not here, why don't you?"

Edmund laughs, "They get like that when they are discussing Lucy and I."

"Rather annoying really" Lucy says, smiling at me.

I nod, agreeing completely. "But they care you're the both of you, so don't take it as a bad thing."

Edmund nods, "We try not to."

We continue walking, by now my feet drag across the ground. Laziness will be the death of me eventually. I close my eyes, still trudging on. My mind reaches those traitorous thoughts once more. These thoughts are tenacious, making me feel helpless. They love to kick me when I'm down, watching me writhe with confusion.

"Sarah" I hear Lucy ask out.

"Yes Shadow" I ask, opening my eyes. Looking down, I see a confused face… one similar to mine.

She holds on to some of her dress firmly, as if scared. "Are we your friends?"

That question was like a blow to gut, metaphorically knocking the wind out of me. Looking around, I see everyone looking at me: Susan, Edmund, Caspian, Trumpkin and Peter.

"Sarah" Susan asks, worried.

"Normally, I would say that I can't have friends since no of you are real." I say, seeing Lucy's face sadden. I place my hand on her shoulder, a scruple feeling overcoming my body. "But," I say as Lucy looks back up at me, "This time I think I'll make an exception."

She smiles at me as I look at everyone. They all bare a similar expression, satisfied with my answer. I just can't hurt them. Before I came here, I was able to be vitriol and full of spitefulness. With the Pevensies, I just can't afflict any sort of pain to them without feeling some sort of guiltiness. Hurting them would feel like I am hurting myself.

What is happening to me? I'm letting these shadows manipulate my thoughts. Letting them be mutated without my consent. This is all confusing in every since of the word. I feel like I'm looking for an answer in a mound of lies.

"We're here" Caspian says, pointing to a mountain like place.

"About time," I say, looking at the place with a relieved expression.

We start to walk towards the place; soon I'll be off my aching feet. "So," I say into the silent group "What exactly is this Miraz person like?"

"He insane," Caspian explains, "He will do anything to get whatever it is that he wants. Nothing will stand in his way until he gets what he desires."

I smirk, "Sounds like a song I heard once."

Lucy runs up to my side, looking up at me. "Is it in that… cell phone?"

Shaking my head, I laugh. "No," I say, "But I know the lyrics."

"What are they" Edmund asks, curiously.

I close my eyes, attempting to remember. After a few seconds I can visualize the screen, I can see the words. So I begin to recite it like a poem:

"'_Wish I may_

_Wish I might_

_Have this I wish tonight_

_Are you satisfied?_

_Dig for gold_

_Dig for fame_

_You dig to make your name_

_Are you pacified?_

_All the wants you waste_

_All the things you've chased_

_And it all crashes down_

_And you break your crown_

_And you point your finger, but there's no one around_

_Just want one thing, just to play the King_

_But the castle crumbled and you're left with just a name_

_Where's your crown, King Nothing?_

_Where's your crown?'"_

"That defiantly fits him" Caspian says, "Fits perfectly!"

"Is that it?" Peter asks me, glancing over at me.

"Well, there's the other verse" I say thinking.

"Well then tell us" Lucy says excitedly.

I nod, thinking. Once again I start to recite:

"'_Hard and cold_

_Bought and sold_

_A heart as hard as gold_

_Yeah! Are you satisfied?_

_Wish I might, Wish I may_

_You wish your life away_

_Are you pacified?'"_

"I'm amazed how a song from your time seems as if they had Miraz in mind" The prince says with a smile.

I nod, "Sounds like a lot of people, it's just he is actually a king so it fits better."

Peter nods, "I like it, defiantly different from what I'm use to."

"Is that another rock song?" Lucy asks me, grabbing a hold of my hand.

"Well, it's a Metal song" I explain, "Metal music is a lot louder and more… violent than rock music."

"Metal… weird" Lucy says.

I was about to start explaining when we walk under this arch. Our feet walk across some cement now, our shoes make a chorus of noise. I look forward, gasping in awe. Centaurs are standing at both sides of the descending entrance. The pull out their swords, they raise them up high.

Caspian and I stop, Lucy lets go of my hand. The four Pevensies walk forward, like royalty. I take a deep breath, walking in after them.


	6. Outside noisty, inside empty

**So... here we are again. Well I am, because I don't seem to have any readers anymore. But its all ok.**

**Disclamer: You know that I don't own Narnia or the characters.**

**Claimer: The idea of an atheist in Narnia, yeah my idea first.**

**The title of this chapter can from a Chinese proverb... whos name was not listed next to it. But it was not my idea and I'm not going to take credit for it, it wouldn't be right.**

* * *

I open my eyes, finding myself under a brightly lit forest. Pushing myself up, I cautiously examine my surroundings. My eyes set on a very familiar creature, I smile to myself. Of course this is his doing. "Hello" I say, my voice strained with exhaustion.

Aslan nods at me, "Hello again, little one."

I bite my lip, looking towards the sky. "My power," I start, thinking about my words carefully. "Something is happening when I use it… something I don't understand. I want to understand… please, help me" I plead, leaving all my pride behind.

"Walk with me," He says, standing on all four legs.

I stand up, walking over to him. I place a hand on his mane as we begin to walk deeper into the optimistic forest. The silence is driving me mad, is he going to answer my question?

"Your power, just like all others, is great" Aslan says, looking over at me. "But just like everything that has existed before, it has a fault."

I nod, "Faults are what make everything what they are, they are essential in life."

He smiles, "So you understand… but do you know what the fault is?"

Running a hand through my hair, I take a deep breath. What could be the fault of a power that protects? Is there even one? Is it that I have to put myself on the line or something completely different? I exhale, "I honestly can't fathom the answer, Aslan" I reply, feeling the breeze hit my skin. I shutter and goose bumps climb their way up my arms.

He stops, looking up at me. "Every time you use your power, your eyesight will get worse. After a while if you continue to use it, you will go blind."

This revelation hits me hard, blind? A tremor of fear races through my body as I contemplate this tad bit of information. "Aslan," I say, "Is this put in place so I'll use it when in a dire situation? Use it for when it's absolutely needed?"

He nods, "Now you're thinking straight."

"For the first time in a long while," I reply. "I don't even know who I am anymore" I reply, looking down to my feet in shame. I have no idea what to believe in anymore. Are they real or not? Is this really here or it just a delusion set in place to manipulate me?

"Your Sarah Meyers, atheist, and is sixteen years of age" Aslan says calmly as ever. "You are a very wise and thoughtful young woman when you want to be. You are a kind and caring person, even if you have a tongue as sharp as a blade and can be quite ruthless."

It's like he's known me all my life.

"I have known you, from the moment you were born until this very second" He says with his comforting gaze sat on me.

I look up to the sky just as another breeze passes. With a hand, I push my hair out my face while stroking the mane of the most wonderful creature. "Maybe this is all real" I whisper into the wind, letting it carry my words further and further from me.

********

"Dream," I hear someone say while shaking me.

I open my eyes for what seems like the second time that day. My line of vision meets Peter's as I blink once more to wake myself up.

Peter smiles, "morning."

"Morning Phantasm," I reply, sitting up. Stretching, my focus darts around the room at all the people who are working.

"Come on," He says, standing straight, "Breakfast is ready."

I stand up, bending my arms back so that they pop out than back in to place. As I walk with Peter, I think of what happened in my dream… if it is one. Blind, is that to symbolize how I have been blind to see everything around me? I let out a breath, "Phantasm, how do you know?"

He glances at me with a confused expression, "Know… what?"

"That everything is real or not." I clutch my fist, "How do you know if the air you breathe is real?"

We walk in silence for the next couple of moments as he thinks. My eyes glance over at him as if by instinct, waiting anxiously for the reply.

"For the very fact that I am breathing it," Peter says, "If It wasn't there, we wouldn't be walking or talking… we would have never existed."

I smile, "spoken how I would have said."

He smiles at me, "I thought that was the answer you were looking for."

I nod, "It was… but now tell me what you really think, not what you believe that I want to hear."

He smiles at me, shining brightly… like a true king. "I believe it there," He says, "simple."

I rub my eyes, "Not for me."

"That's because you think about things too much. You complicate them in your mind until you see no other way then not to believe" Peter says to me while taking my hand, "Come on, we have to hurry or we'll be late."

********

I hold my hand up, looking at the sky around it. Outstretching my fingers, I sigh while continuing to give myself a headache.

"Having fun?"

Looking to my left, I see Susan and Lucy smiling at me.

"More like thinking," I reply, closing my eyes.

"Pushing all the boundaries, sanity, decency and safety, to their breaking points again" I hear Susan ask. Their footsteps brush the grass, I hear a soft thud as something lands on either side of me.

I open my eyes, looking at each of them out the corners. "Don't I always" I ask, mostly to myself.

"That you do," Lucy relies with a giggle.

A smile creeps its way onto my face, Lucy can always brighten anyone up. Even if the person is confused and, unbelievably, scared.

"What is it this time" Susan asks, glancing up at the sky as well.

"Just more things that confuse me to the brink of my insanity" I say, setting up.

Lucy gives me a confused look, "Insanity?"

I shrug, "I'm past the breaking point of sanity, so now I'm at the insanity breaking point."

"What comes after insanity," Susan asks me after glancing towards her brothers.

"We'll know when I get there, I assume."

"You don't have to get there," Lucy says, putting her hand on my shoulder. "You could just…"

"Believe," Susan finishes for her younger sibling.

I bite my lip out of habit. "It's not that simple, more cryptic that you could possibly imagine. I just… I have no idea anymore."

No one says anything for a second, we all just sit there and soak in the things we're heard. I look over and see Peter block Edmund's sword before disarming him. He flashes a smile before sheathing his sword. He laughs, wiping the sweat off of his brow before standing straight up. My heart flutters, what is this? My blood races slightly faster, I don't understand this feeling. I close my eyes, how could this be so realistic? How could anyone here be real?

"They decided to raid Miraz's castle" Susan says, "That's why they are practicing."

"And" I ask, looking over at her.

"I'm going to go with them," She says, "And I'm scared."

"That's completely natural."

She looks over at them, "I'm never going to be brave like them, to just walk into battle without being scared."

"Su," Lucy says, "Everyone is scared."

I nod, "Fictitious, if you were to walk onto the field of battle without fear, you would be inhumane. Everyone is scared, it's a known truth. The fact that you, or anyone else, walks out there scared out of your mind is what true courage is."

She looks me in the eyes, "What about you? You're fearless."

"I'm honored that you seem to think that," I reply, "But truth is I'm afraid, just as you are. I'm scared to find out what the truth really is, terrified of things I don't understand."

Lucy nods, "I'm scared that you all won't be ok, but I'm not going to stop you because I believe that everything is going to come out just fine."

There is that 'believe' word again. "I'll go too," I reply, "Just tell me what I have to do."

Lucy turns to me, "You can't! You haven't been trained!"

"But I can be," I reply with a small smirk. "Hey" I yell down to everyone.

A dozen or so pairs of eyes land on me.

"Yeah" Caspian yells up to me, glancing weirdly to me.

"Can anyone down there teach me how to use a sword?" I yell, cupping my hands around my mouth to project my voice.

Edmund shakes his head, "Why?"

I roll my eyes, "So I can cut break, come on Invented think!"

"So you can fight?" He asks.

I nod.

He shrugs, "Why not?"

"Awesome," I say to myself as I make my way down to everyone.

* * *

**Reviews... please?**


	7. Realizing Existence

**Well, this is part seven. Getting close to the more active parts of this story, can't wait! I would like to thank you all for reading this, even if it take me forever to update!!! This will have only a couple more parts to it, even if I don't want it to end it sadly must. **

**Disclamer: I don't own Narnia.**

**Clamer: Atheist in Narnia... yeah, I came up with it first... I think.**

**Oh, and last note, I'm trying to think of a 'soundtrack' for this story. If anyon out there have a song that you thing relates, please tell me!! Everyone who give me songs that I use, I'll thank you forever and ever!!!**

* * *

My eyes snap open and my breath is ragged. I quickly change into a dark brown and hunter green dress before pulling on my shoes. The heart within my body races as I sit up. Standing, I walk out of the 'room'. The thumping of my shoes against the cold stone ground sends shivers up my spine. The reverberations make me walk quicker. For an unknown reason a fear wraps itself around my spine, gripping tighter with each passing second. Why does he have to believe in me? No one else has, everyone just pushed me aside as they continued on with their lives. Why did Aslan have to treat me like I was a person when everyone else before did not?

Because he is Aslan, that's why. He is gracious, kind and has a heart of gold. Gold so pure, that nothing in this 'world' or any other 'world' can fabricate to match it. He cares for me, he always has. Even when I never knew it, he stood behind me.

I give a steady gaze forward, my determination is incorruptible. I WILL stand up and fight for Aslan, it is the very lease that I can do. I'm sick of my independence being limited, Aslan say this and that it why he sent me here. He knows I could do some good.

I have yet to figure out what good it is that I am suppose to do.

"Lady Meyers" A voice says towards the left.

I turn my head slightly, seeing Gyrwick. He has a couple of dirt marks running from his chin to the start of his black hair.

A smile creeps its way onto my face, "Hello."

He sends me a genuine smile, "I finished it."

"Really" I say, a shocked tone covering my question like a candy coating.

He nods, "That I have, would you like to see?"

"Absolutely," I reply, smiling like a child on Christmas.

He turns, picking up a blue cloth. He sends me a smile as he uncovers the blade. My eyes widen, seeing it. Plain, but I see it as beautiful as any other sword. It has a black handle and the blade itself has a small outwards bend near the end. The tip of the blade is slightly curved, just like a knife. It has no pommel or guard, just a grip.

"Gyrwick, it's amazing" I reply. I point to it, "May I?"

He nods, "Be my guest."

Outstretching my arm, I grasp the handle of the magnificent sword. An instant connection is made between the metal and I. After taking a step back, I swing the sword. I let out a small laugh, the cross guard will no longer stand in my way.

I hold the sword so that the back is resting against the back of my left arm. I walk back over to Gyrwick, bowing. "I am forever in your dept, honorable sword smith."

Gyrwick shakes his head, "I shall say not! That was a challenge. Now," He points to the front exit, "Test and see if my word has not been in vain."

I nod, turning on the heel of my feet. Swiftly, I walk to the opening. Looking from the ground, I stop suddenly to stop myself from running into a pair of royals. I look between Peter and Edmund, still unable to keep from grinning.

"Whoa," Edmund says, stopping. "Where are you going?"

"To try this out," I say, holding up my new unorthodox weapon. "Gyrwick made this for me, without the cross guard I can handle it swifter and attack smoother."

"Really now" Peter asks, raising an eyebrow at my statement.

I nod with puerile excitement, "Yeah, so I just have to figure out who I'm going to try this out on."

"Yeah," Edmund says, "I'll help if you promise not to kill me."

I roll my eyes, "I'm not going to kill you. I couldn't bring myself up to kill you."

* * *

I smirk, looking over at the just king. "I've gotten better," I state, picking up my sheathed sword.

He shakes his head, "You still lost."

"But practice makes perfect," I say, standing up straight.

Edmund shakes his head, "Can't talk you out of going with us… can I?"

Looking to the ground, I shake my head. "No, you can't" I reply, taking a deep breath. I stand up, nodding at him. "Thanks again."

Turning, I walk towards the entrance. Once inside, I let my feet carry me as my mind floods with thoughts. My thoughts scatter as I shut off my awareness. My attention turns to my thoughts as I walk through the halls, no longer caring where I go.

The longer I'm here, the more I feel like I'm a part of something bigger, a grand plan. Here, I have a purpose. Here, I'm important. My heart yearns for these people I've met. They are happy, I'm happy. If they are hurt, I want to bare the pain for them.

I don't understand everything that is happening. These feelings, they are alien to me. It's like I… care. As if I actually care about them. If something were to happen to them, I don't know what I would do. How could be placed here make me feel this way?

It's unknown to me, this warmth that is in my heart. It makes me feel… good. Even if I feel scared or terrified, this feeling makes me at ease. This feeling has power over me, power I never thought existed much less control me. This power… what is it? Is it an apparition in my mind? Or is it someone manipulating me, to make me believe this is all real?

But this is real. It has been all along. I was just too blind, too stubborn to believe in such trivial things. I was an idiot all along. How could I pretend this was imaginary all along? Everything, everybody… it has been and always will be real. All the things I missed, I'll never get those 'could-have-been' experiences back. I'll never be able to go back and enjoy everything… enjoy even the smallest details such as school.

"Dream?"

I flinch, my attention slamming against me and return to my surroundings. I to my left, jumping lightly as the sudden realization effects me. "When did you to get there?" I ask Lucy and Peter as I continue walking.

"You looked lost," Lucy says. Her hand takes mine as a small sigh of concern.

"I'm fine," I say as give her hand a squeeze in reassurance.

"Are you sure?" Peter asks, give in a caring look.

I nod, "I'm sure Peter."

Lucy and I continue to walk a few more steps. Lucy stops, noticing the sound of footsteps suddenly decreased. "Pete," She says, looking back.

I look over my shoulder, seeing him stand there. "You ok?" I ask, feeling a sudden shift in my heart beat.

He shakes his head, "You… you called me Peter."

I nod, "That is your name, after all."

He sends me a confused glance. "I thought you didn't believe in my existence" Peter says.

I let go of Lucy's hand, continuing down the hallway. "I didn't," I say loudly, "but I guess I do now."

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**Twist huh? Well, please review... so I can know if this story sucks or not.**


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